two worlds, one heart.

Recently, I went home to go to my best friends's wedding - by far one of the most beautiful weddings I've ever been to. Nice work, Jessica & Jake, all that hard work REALLY paid off (: I got to spend a weekend celebrating the love of two amazing people who really complement each other. I am so thankful you asked me to stand up by your sides when saying "I do". 

-- myself with the beautiful jessica and jake meyer at their wedding; with my other sorority sister ashley(:

After 2 fun filled days with the best bridesmaids and full wedding party ever, I returned to my parents's house to relax and do nothing (: I purposely made a point to make few to no plans while home.

I went home in July for 4 full days, and I jampacked my schedule so much that I barely had time to sleep; the power went out the night before I left so I wasn't able to upload all the songs to my phone, nor put the photos from my phone on my computer to free up space and take more while I'm down here (I have a desktop in Minnesota).

Tuesday night, I went to the Ed Sheeran Concert with my sister in Minneapolis. She was coming from school in Wisconsin, so as I'm pulling into the parking garage, she texts me the name of the pub she's sitting at waiting for me. I walk up and she says "I ordered you a Bud Light - hope that's okay". I was kind of overtaken with emotion. My sister has recently turned 21*, I haven't seen her in over a year, I was in relaxation mode (which happens like 3 times a year for a couple days), and I was just about to see Ed (: I was so excited! We had such a good time at dinner, then at the concert (: I can't wait to see her again! I'm hoping it's before her college graduation, since I won't be home for Christmas.

-- ed sheeran!

(*My sister turned 21 in August, and I was in Mexico. She left last September to study abroad in Germany, I left for Mexico in January.)

While I was home, I stopped by the Keller Williams office I worked at for 3 years, and saw a lot of people I haven't seen in months! My favorite thing to do is casually walk into somewhere, and see people's reactions - a lot of double takes (: I got to have coffee, lunch, dinner, drinks with a bunch of people, and filled my heart again with the void I was gaining from leaving this part of my life behind. 

-- BANK, as we call ourselves (bethany, brandon, anna, nate, nate, kelly)

As I was saying goodbye to my group of friends on Saturday night before finishing packing and leaving for the airport on Sunday morning at 4am (wait, I procrastinated? noo...) I just couldn't stop crying. Being home, I didn't want to come back to Mexico. I LOVE fall weather, and I did not want to stop wearing sweaters & jeans and not sweating. I love my family, and it is very difficult being away from them for a year - yes, technology helps to call and video connect, but there's just something about eating dinner with your family, or an impromptu movie watching at 11pm. I love my friends, so much. I always am either surprised by the things coming out of their mouths, or I am laughing so hard I'm crying, and getting an ab workout at the same time. I am so thankful for my friends. They're serious when needed, and always have my back 100%. The job I left was amazing, and everyone cared so much about the well being of others. To let someone leave and follow your dreams for a year, and fully support me like they have, has been amazing. I am lucky to have Keller Williams as my family as well.

On the flip side, I have learned so much here - patience, unconditional love, understanding, the value of working hard, forgiveness, letting go of grudges, how to find near many, many ways to do/explain something, how to think about WHY someone did something before getting upset, along many other things. While I am here, I get exhausted daily. I have 48 boys, aged 8-12, in 2nd-5th grade. They are the most diverse group of kids ever. They all have their own personality, and they all do things their way, which can prove to be challenging. I have kids who think they're too cool for me, and then I have kids who will not leave my side. I have kids who are so sweet that I hope they never have a girl come in and hurt them because they will be perfect boyfriends, and then I have kids who are sooo macho I can't wait for them to have a girlfriend to treat well and ground them.

-- impromptu pyramid building in the section

I think about how they all will be in 5 years, at their college graduation, as adults with their own children, and I can't help but get excited and emotional for them. I know that some will go on to college, master's degrees, doctors, politicians, professional soccer players, restaurant owners, and I also know that some of my kids will own little stores, be taxi drivers, sell food, and be completely content with it. The fun part for me is watching these kids realize their dreams, and what they're capable of. Nuestros Pequenos Hermanos teaches them that they can do anything - don't dream too small. There is a leadership program in Seattle for young adults from the 9 homes to learn English and leadership, and return to their home countries to help better where they live.

As I was crying in my car Saturday night, I realized that the reason I'm so sad is that I have my heart in two places. Since I started coming down here in 2007, I've had a small part of my heart here, which increased over time, and now I can say I have half of my heart here. But being home, and realizing all the "1st World Problems" that I had, the things I took for granted (dishwashers, and having your clothes washed and dried within 2 hours), making money, my friends and family, all had half of my heart as well. I feel at home yet a little lost in Minnesota, as I equally feel at home and a little lost in Mexico.

I am getting close to the end of my year here; I have 4 months left. I know these months will fly by SO quickly (I need to start my Christmas gifts now, since I have over 50 to make, and only 3 months to go..!), and I am realizing and becoming more okay with the fact that this chapter in my life will be closing. I will miss my children dearly, more than I can explain, but I know I can come back and visit them. It isn't goodbye, it's see you later (: Like I did to the US 8 months ago (: