We have been trying the common tactics that one would instill while taking care of 50 kids.. (; We'd wait until they'd stop talking for us to start, we'd give them consequences, we'd have to yell to get their attention at times, and we all got to the point where we said "how you treat us is how we will treat you". We seemed to had exhausted all our options, and I personally was getting frustrated that I couldn't find a solution to make this work, because I usually am good at finding new ways to do something, or what not.
Here in Mexico, it is quite warm usually. The average temperature her during the middle of the day is about mid80s. We are given work polos - a different color each day, and since I'm usually so warm, I wear a tank top under my work shirt so I can take it off if I start sweating too much. Last Wednesday, one of the kids had taken my work shirt off the ground and just put it on. I told him he should do something for me, since he was now the encargado. Then the employee of the other team told him to do something because he was wearing the encargado shirt, and there was my "ah-ha".
What would happen if we made the kids who lacked the most respect in the section be encargado for the day? They get to give consequences to the others, but they also have to get the kids to listen and do what they're told. I went back and forth with the idea in my head - thinking of the possibilities, and I came to think, "This really could work", so I brought it up to my employee, and she kind of seemed interested and kind of didn't. Not wanting to overstep my boundaries, I left it alone.
This morning, I really had no desire to work, even though our kids have kind of started on the up and up (after last week, I was really hoping they couldn't get any worse, or I don't know what I would've done). I got to the section, and one of my favorites (I shouldn't have them, but I obviously do), told me someone had stolen his bow (and arrow) from his bed this morning. I told him I'd help him look for it, and he began to tell me of another kid who had told him earlier that he was going to steal it. After confronting the kid, and telling me he hadn't taken it, I said we had to go to breakfast and he started crying because he just wanted to find his bow. I said after lunch we'd check with everyone, or we could make a new one. (to which he contested that there was no possible way I could make one better than he had - he's that kind of kid. same kid who told me that I couldn't help him with his 3rd grade homework because I wouldn't understand it. took every ounce of courage to say that I was the only one in the room who had graduated college).
As he and I were walking together in the comedor (dining hall) during breakfast, he said that he thought nobody in the section should be able to go to the Haunted House next week until someone admitted they'd stolen his bow. I figured our employee should know this, so I brought him to her, and told him to suggest the idea to her. She said "Great idea, Juan*! But you do know that if no one gets to go, you're included in that, right?" He said "fair enough". So that was that. After breakfast, we got to the section, and my employee brought up the point that Juan was going to switch places with me for the day - he would be encargado, and his first punishment was going to be that no one would leave until the bow was found.
All the kids were in shock. Juan is known for constantly talking back to the encargados, yelling, not staying in his bed, not following rules, etc. How could he possibly be encargado for the day? How are they going to listen to him? He decides the activities? He decides the punishments? Nope. I was to do Juan's chores for the day, and he was to be me - check that the kids are doing chores, check that they do activities, make sure they're not fighting, etc. He took it very seriously all day, and it was wonderful. I of course stayed by his side for a lot of it (during swimming - someone had to watch them, and he wanted to play, so he let me "take the first watch", then relieved me after an hour when he was tired), to make sure that people would actually listen to him, but I spent a lot of my day saying "I'm not an encargada today - I can't help you, talk to Juan".
I asked if he wanted to help serve lunch Family style (all 600 kids pass through the same 3 lines and can sit wherever they want with whoever they want, versus in their respective sections), or if he wanted to pass through with all the kids and eat with his brothers, but he said he was encargado so he was going to help. I reminded him that encargados always ate last, standing, if there was food left, he said "no problem!". And it really was no problem for him. He helped, passed last, and didn't complain once.
It was very fun to see how he reacted to things. I'd ask a question to see what he'd say, then give him probing questions to make him think outside the box. I can tell this kid's gonna go far. Tonight during prayer, he was checking to make sure everyone's eyes were shut. I took his place on the ground, and at one point he passed by me, tapped me on the shoulder so I looked at him, just for him to tell me to close my eyes. I couldn't stop laughing.
Watching him today was by far one of my favorite days in the house. I talked with him a few months ago about Respect because he was one of the worst kids. He said all the encargados would yell at him, no one would pay attention, etc. I talked him through a lot of stuff, and realized he just needed to be heard. All 3 of his older siblings are the "perfect" ones, and he's definitely not, and I know he tries to be even more different because all he ever hears is "why can't you be more like them?" I understand why he's the way he is. I was working one on one with him for a week straight, to teach him that if he can give more respect to the encargados, that he will also receive it. It's definitely worked, but he still has his moments where I remind him, and he calms down.
I've seen the biggest change in him out of any of my kids, and days like today make me so proud. If I can feel what I felt today with kids of my own someday, I really will feel proud and like parents always say they feel. I don't have biological kids, but I have adoptive ones, and I love them all. Days like today make me want to stay, and make me so sad that I have 2 months left here.
Still gotta make all my Christmas presents and cards for my kids - gotta get going, or I definitely am going to regret this decision later. (:
*name changed for privacy
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